So I left the house at 8:30AM to go to work as usual. Turned on the radio with some soft classical music, soothing my mind before getting to work while sipping in some nice and cold RedBull so I’d have more energy. Same busy local traffic, nothing out of the ordinary. But just as I was getting on the freeway, a sudden pressure broke out inside my lower abs where the intestines are. I thought I could hold it in until I get to the office, but it got worse in a few seconds. So I picked up the speed hoping to get there faster, but when I finally got on the free way I found myself stuck in the middle of the heavy traffic. Cars were not moving at all. Then I felt something was urging to come out. I used up every last bit of energy that I got from the RedBull to hold it in until my abs became nearly-numb, cold sweat started to break out. I thought to myself, "oh no God please don’t let this happen to me…I can’t go to work with pants full of crap…" Sooner than I could realize, my ass started to feel this extreme heat-like I was sitting in a heated-seat, or like the seat during summer noon times…..And then the cars started moving…so I went crazy through the traffic, raced all the way to work…finally arrived at 9:24AM. I didn’t even have time to grab my lunch and lock the car, I just jumped out and ran straight towards the bathroom. When I got inside I couldn’t even take 3 seconds to put on the seat cover, I immediately unbuckled my pants and ready to sit on the toilet. But just as I was leaning forward to ready my body to sit in the right angle and position, a devastating blast broke out and I had zero control over my ass from that point on. I mean the blast was like a volcano eruption, blasting that crap all over the toilet and the wall behind me…it was devastating.
Due to the aftermath of the blast, I could no longer sit on the toilet and finish my number1 properly. I had to be in a stance where my body looks like its sitting down but without the ass cheeks touching the toilet seat. When I finally cleared out whatever was leftover in the barrel, I realized both slices of meat had chocolate milk shake on them. I used half a roll of toilet paper to clean them. Then as I turned around to reach to flush, the sight just shocked me into oblivion–The wall looked like it was covered in melted coffee ice cream, with some blasting tracks on the ceiling near the same wall, and some on both walls on the sides too. Then I thought to myself again, "I better keep the cool, come up with an effective strategy to clean up this mess before someone finds out." So I took a deep breath trying to slow down my heartbeat and calm the mind, that was when I realized that the Men’s room had turned into a "Bio-Hazard Zone". I was choking and coughing in there, literally. But despite the lethal condition, I still had to clean the mess to prevent any "accidental death". So I peeked through the door made sure no one was coming, and locked the bathroom with a quickness.
I pulled out as many stacks of paper towel I could find in there…took a new bottle of Windex, and started the cleaning. After about 30min or so, I managed to wipe off most of the brown stuff. Then I was spraying the disinfectant spray around the toilet like using DDT on a swarm of roaches. 30 more minutes passed, I finally got the entire bathroom cleaned up. I ended up using 2 full packs of paper towel, 2/3 bottle of a Windex and half a can of the disinfectant spray. But at least, I was able to clear the "Bio-Hazard Zone". Thank God.
When I got back to my desk, a neighboring co-worker asked me, "hey do you smell something?" I said, "what?" He said, "it smells kinda like crap or someone farted." I said, "oh you mean the coffee?"
-The End-
